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I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbour
said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'
My wife ran away with my best friend.The thing is, I miss him.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
give the wrong answers.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Such beautiful things are said at funerals. It makes me sad to think that I'll miss mine by a few days.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Bill Gates' Hard Drive: Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra?
He's renaming it MICROHARD.
Understanding Marketing
You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends approach them, point at you and say, "She's/He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. They walk up to you and say, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
You don't go to a party. Instead, you set up a website proclaiming 'I am good in bed'. You submit it to the search engines. Nobody ever finds it. That's Internet Marketing.
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